And then some more

So there is confusion and then there is chaos...none of which leave you feeling any better than you already do... Confusion is about choices Choices is about taking decisions Decisions is about clarity Clarity is about thought or thoughts Thought is about confusion. So if you have thoughts...you will have confusion and chaos...but what may-mind you the word is "may"-not lead to it is the fact that you can choose your thoughts. You can or atleast may want to decide that what you want is peace and bliss; therefore it may be prudent to avoid negative or multiple instances of unfavorable thoughts. So if you want a happier, confusion and chaos free life...simplifying matters that lead to lesser choices and options is one route that can be taken. The other option is to be able to wait it out...be paitent.If you have that virtue in you or you can find that within you, to be able walk through the jungle till you reach the highway then it can lead to some fantastic revelation...

So I gave up a dream...or atleast as I tell everyone else that I have put it on hold for a while( Will I ever go back to working on it,is a very good question that stares in my face). So would that make me a loser,probably yes ( in the eyes of those wearing conventional glasses).But does it spell doom and gloom to me...I am not so sure yet,but it definitely is a big relief. It feels like a burden off my mind. I feel like I do have to live up to my own expectations any more. Honestly cause I already have others from my past that I am still living up to or atleast refound them to live up to. And those are more to do with people important to me in my life.I do think living it up to my closest and dearest would be a lot more satisfying than struggling and grappling on to something that just seems too cool to do,or is probably the newest trend to keep up with. Yes, I am going back to being a regular working professional versus holding on to becoming the "next" hot-shot entrepr...

I can never be sure...I dont think I ever have been. And the doubt doesnt seem to stem from a lack of confidence or an extreme self doubt but a deep rooted fear,that always pops its ugly head up every time something is about to be accomplished. How do you know you're doing enough for your family? Cause after all,its not like every nite at the dinner table, we sign praises for each other. Yes, there is an untold undercurrent of love and respect which is not necessarily expressed everyday...though I wonder why? I mean if we cant tell our own kith and kin about how much we appreciate what they do for us, how do we expect the outside world to come up and express that to us. And honestly I dont think its a very tough thing either. But yes, the truth is something else.... Are we able to do enough for our children? That is something you only learn once they grow up and hopefully turn out to be fine humans and decent citizens of this world that isnt always kind. Once we become parents...

Would it not be nice for someone to take decisions for you when you have absolutely zero clue as to what should you be doing next,whether its the next career move or figuring the next meal. The meal analogy is no misnomer,mind you. The amount of energy that goes into deciding what needs to be cooked ( or even if it has be ordered from some random place),its almost exhausting,probably moreso than actually getting the food on the table. But anyways,thats a topic for another post. Coming to some of the larger decisions,that can be draining on your system. And trust me,I have been there more number of times,than I would like to have gone there.Its the worst feeling some times,especially when you have to end something or get rid of someone/something from your life. Not that its the best feeling when you have to take on something new,start something totally random of that which you have no clue what so ever on. But then ending vs.starting there is obviously a difference. Yes, but if someo...

Captivity It was calling him The syringe,the smoke, The state of nothingness, It was all calling him. Yet he stayed strong, He stayed joyous, He stayed calm. Cause 20 years  Was the time spent, In the captivity Of a substance  Foreign to his body, That transcended him to another world. And then descended him as quickly  To nothing. Today he had released himself Into the world that belonged to him, That was not loaned or victimized He stayed joyous, He stayed calm. Black and Blue Beaten  Black and Blue She stood up, Just about managing And Let out a scream It sent shivers  To whoever could hear Miles away. Suddenly, Just like that, She made it stop. The years of torture, The years of suppression. She let the bodily pain, Give her strength She let her emotional pain, Give her courage. She triumphed  And Rose Like the Phoenix. Them and Me He stood looking, Star...

Crossroads or more like fork roads, where you don't exactly know which path to follow and which path to leave behind. I think I'll go with fork roads for my situation at the moment. Crossroads would just complicate matters more. So you have done your evaluations, your reviews, your introspection and all else there is to do to get a clear vision of where your life is going to go and then suddenly, when you're about to reach the visualised destination of your life, it all comes to a screeching halt.And then you end up in a state of total shock and inertia. It all start weighing down on you. You are no longer sure of yourself , whether all that review and reading into your mind stuff was enough or even worth it. They do say that when you make plans , God laughs at them. But this isn' t about having a plan. Its about who you want to be and what you'd like your life to be. Its kinda different from having a set plan. So once you're halted and are in a state of rud...