To be able to find yourself again. And you have to know that your are lost.Otherwise there is no other way to know if you want something so bad. I read somewhere that-If you dont know,you're not ready.
I have been there,so I know. Sometimes I still dont know, I still am not sure what am I really looking for.
But atleast I know ,that I am looking ,that I have to keep searching. Even if I dont know,I know one thing is how it feels on finding that answer,on not feeling lost anymore. And that is the feeling of coming home after a long travel tour across various destinations. That feeling you went looking for around the world or country (whatever the case may be) and you finally found it right in your home.
So for the last 2 weekends I have been out practically all day (some of the liberties you can take,when your child is away from home at the grandparents,enjoying his vacation and you enjoying yours).
On both the occasions, by Sunday evening, I was pooped and longing to get back home. And both the times the friends with whom I was,kept teasing me that I had grown old,and forgotten how to have fun. Cause they had plans to continue their merry-making well into the Sunday night.And I knew I had had enough of that and just wanted to retire. And my theory to that is ,not that I have grown old,I have finally found from where I was lost. And that was the settled feeling ,the mindfulness which I got from my home (albeit even an empty one). It was the feeling of knowing that this is where I belonged. This is where I wanted to come back to after all the treachery, the torture, the banalities that life had to offer me.
Like in the younger days ( Yeah,I am ok to say too,though I am not technically OLD!), mother's would be sick of wanting us to get home in time, wanting us to eat at home,wanting us to spend more time with her and other family members. But we are more keen to be outside,where we dont feel lost or misunderstood or having to live up to someone's expectations.Its these things that make pressurize us and make us feel lost between who we think we are on the inside versus, who our parents want us to be.And honestly none of the involved parties are wrong to a larger extent. The problem is we never manage to find the balance or equilibrium.Its tough yes, but those who manage to get that right measure on both scales,have a much easier path to tread on, in most part of their life.
I may not have all the answers to all my life's problems and questions that sometimes my son throws at me,but I am not so lost anymore. And therefore if that means I have to be labeled being old and boring,so be it.
I have been there,so I know. Sometimes I still dont know, I still am not sure what am I really looking for.
But atleast I know ,that I am looking ,that I have to keep searching. Even if I dont know,I know one thing is how it feels on finding that answer,on not feeling lost anymore. And that is the feeling of coming home after a long travel tour across various destinations. That feeling you went looking for around the world or country (whatever the case may be) and you finally found it right in your home.
So for the last 2 weekends I have been out practically all day (some of the liberties you can take,when your child is away from home at the grandparents,enjoying his vacation and you enjoying yours).
On both the occasions, by Sunday evening, I was pooped and longing to get back home. And both the times the friends with whom I was,kept teasing me that I had grown old,and forgotten how to have fun. Cause they had plans to continue their merry-making well into the Sunday night.And I knew I had had enough of that and just wanted to retire. And my theory to that is ,not that I have grown old,I have finally found from where I was lost. And that was the settled feeling ,the mindfulness which I got from my home (albeit even an empty one). It was the feeling of knowing that this is where I belonged. This is where I wanted to come back to after all the treachery, the torture, the banalities that life had to offer me.
Like in the younger days ( Yeah,I am ok to say too,though I am not technically OLD!), mother's would be sick of wanting us to get home in time, wanting us to eat at home,wanting us to spend more time with her and other family members. But we are more keen to be outside,where we dont feel lost or misunderstood or having to live up to someone's expectations.Its these things that make pressurize us and make us feel lost between who we think we are on the inside versus, who our parents want us to be.And honestly none of the involved parties are wrong to a larger extent. The problem is we never manage to find the balance or equilibrium.Its tough yes, but those who manage to get that right measure on both scales,have a much easier path to tread on, in most part of their life.
I may not have all the answers to all my life's problems and questions that sometimes my son throws at me,but I am not so lost anymore. And therefore if that means I have to be labeled being old and boring,so be it.
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